I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize