screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
