The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
