There was a lot of him and a little penis
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
3 2 1 whiskey
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
