Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
