3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
