i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
