She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
