you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
