and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it glows. i had to have it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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