I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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