Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
