Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
