Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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