I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
