So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
