i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
