i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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