What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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