using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
