Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
