I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
