whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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