The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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