can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
