If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
