No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
