I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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