i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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