Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize