i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
