Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
