just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
