ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
