Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
