Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm going to jail i love you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
