We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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