Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
