do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
