I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize