I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
