Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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