google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
