i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
