my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
