Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
this hospital has no fireball
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
