But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
