he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
