she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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