she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
