Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
