Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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