also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
