Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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