Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
