singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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