you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
