I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
