i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
