I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
