Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you didnt know i had herpes?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
