i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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