Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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