I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
