When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
