he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
