so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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