OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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