I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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