He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
