Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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