All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
