my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
