somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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