Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
