Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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