wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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